Proverbs 31: Affirmation and Worship

My pastor recently preached a sermon on Luke 8, title “Ears to Hear,” that helped me “refine” my thinking about worship in the context of Proverbs 31. But first, I want to address the “others” that show up in Proverbs 31 and that is the husband and children. In verses 28-31, the woman in Proverbs 31 receives affirmation and praise from her family. This is pretty much out of our control. The reality for some is that we may not hear such praise from our families. I finished up a book on affirmation called, “Practicing Affirmation” by Sam Crabtree. The main point of the book is that affirming the work of God in someone’s life (even through common grace in unbelievers) is a good thing. We should do it.“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver” (Proverbs 25:11).

Affirmation can nurture and refresh us during our sanctification process, but it should not be a source of motivation or something we demand to have. The plain truth is that if I do what is described in Proverbs 31 and my heart is set on receiving praise or the approval of man, that is vain worship. We are warned throughout scripture not to fear man (Prov. 29:25) and not to seek the praises of men for our works (Matt. 6:2). As Paul writes to the church in Galatia, “If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” And in 1 Thessalonians 2:4-6, Paul talks about his ministry and draws a contrast between speaking, “not to please man, but to please God” versus “words of flattery” and seeking “glory from people.” In my pastor’s sermon on Sunday, he made two points I’m going to steal: (1) You will never outgrow the cross. (2) Worship is gratitude expressed (gratitude is the engine behind our worship). I drew a little flow chart of how I visualize the process of calling to mind who Christ is and what He’s done for me and how that leads to gratitude, which then leads to worship and obedience (I get that you’re not going to find this illustration in a systematic theology textbook, so please don’t take it as anything more than a rough illustration—I wish I could’ve crammed more into it, but you know how it is).

At the top, we start with the first point I took from the sermon: You will never outgrow the cross. We have to make a habit of remembering what happened on the cross and why it needed to happen (our sin). Throughout the Old and New Testament, we see God telling His people to “remember,” “remind yourself,” “think on these things,” etc. (Deut. 5:15; 1 Chron. 16:12; Psalm 77:12; Phil. 4:8). It’s probably important to do that, right?

If I saved you from a burning house and my scalp burned off in the process, you’d probably have me over for dinner a few times. And you’d probably setup a gofundme for wigs. For some time, your mind would probably be fixed on pleasing me in order to show gratitude for my sacrifice. Christ dying for our sake is the most significant sacrifice BY FAR that you or anyone will ever experience. Significant enough that our daily, hourly lives ought to be affected by this reality (also, if you read Revelation, worship is what we do in heaven for all eternity, so (1) He’s worthy of it (2) It’s an indicator that that’s what we ought to be doing). Recalling what He’s done motivates us to obey His will (with gratitude towards Him). Here’s an idea to ponder: God’s will is that wives respect their husbands and, as Proverbs 31 puts it, do our husbands “good, and not harm, all the days of [our] life.” If we do God’s will because we are thankful for what He’s done and express this gratitude in the act of respecting our husbands, it is pleasing to God. Yes, people will say, “He needs to earn respect” or “He better be thankful.” That’s not why we do it and that’s not what the Word says. Obeying God’s will as gratitude fueled worship will give you peace when you face opposition or tough circumstances.But imagine if I buy into that lie and go into the act of respecting my husband expecting praise from him in return. “He better be thankful for this… Respect.” Now imagine he doesn’t say anything and just stares at me. You think I’m going to be happy? How’s my endurance looking? Most importantly, how does God see this? Is God going to bless my efforts? I tried to see if there were any verses of God blessing vain worship and there are NONE.

“Do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (Col. 3:17)

Final takeaway, I think it’s a good thing that families make a habit of affirming one another and building each other up to good works. If I were going to counsel someone going through a drought of kind words, my encouragement would be (1) continue faithfully serving God with a heart of worship (2) give the desire for affirmation to God in prayer (3) build others up (4) have peace knowing that you are walking in a manner pleasing to God—whether or not you receive affirmation from your family, you can be content (see Phil. 4:11-13). (5) “let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven” (Matt. 5:16). (6) You are promised an inheritance as a reward for working heartily for the Lord and not for men (Col. 3:23-24).