Dinner This Week, Def Comedy, and Gnawed on Skulls

Back in September, I ended up experiencing the Great Sickness with the rest of my family. My symptoms were pretty standard for a flu (fever, chills, light cough), but I also had an incredible headache as well as the loss of smell and taste. As with most other seasonal illnesses that sweep through our house over the years, the Great Sickness was annoying and then it was gone. To be serious, I can look back on past illnesses and see how God has matured us so that we aren’t wallowing in pity and asking, “Why us?” Years ago, we got hit with three different sicknesses within six weeks: colds, Norovirus, then the flu. I remember my husband asking me in the midst of it, “Why can’t we just die?”

Maybe my husband hasn’t matured much. He did ask me last week why he can’t just be left to wander the Appalachian trail if he gets some sort of terminal illness or dementia. I told him it’s not fair to the person who ends up discovering his half-eaten skull. “They’ll remember that image for the rest of their lives,” I warned him. He told me animals don’t eat skulls. I told him, “They gnaw on them.”

So, God has matured me at least.

Back to the Great Sickness. There was one symptom that had a sunny side to it. Brain Fog.

Having brain fog, aka being an idiot, is unfortunate when you miss your freeway exit twice on the same journey and scare your kids as you apologize again for not knowing where you’re going. Meals were forgotten in the oven. When I finally made it back to church, I could hardly focus. Being an idiot has its limitations as some of you know.

It was probably three days into being sick that my son was telling me about the various tornados featured in a kit on Roblox Studio. If you don’t know about Roblox, keep your mind pure and stay ignorant. My son is into disasters and anything that can kill lots of people in terrifying ways (tornados, hurricanes, black holes, sink holes, blood moons, etc) and so he designs levels in Roblox Studio that feature various disasters. And he talks about it, A LOT. I’ll admit there are times when he has shown me way too much and I tell him, “Look, this is your thing.”

So, he was rattling off the latest tornados, no concern for the fact that I’m half-dead, when I asked him a question that was both stupid and genius.

As soon as “beef-nado” left my lips, I couldn’t breathe. This was the funniest thing I had heard in months. And such a perfect delivery. “What about a beef-nado?” So dry, so dead behind the eyes. I couldn’t stand. I leaned against the couch, crossing my legs, and wailing with tears in my eyes. What a feeling to laugh so hard it sounds like you’re in pain.

Although the beef-nado was the funniest and any mention of it could send me into fits of laughter, I was laughing at just about anything (except actual funny things). Say something in a dopey voice: hilarious. Make your hand talk like a puppet: wow. What a thrill. It reminded me of being a kid again, back when my bar for good jokes was much much lower. I remember in first grade I had a friend come over and my younger sister told us this joke: Knock-knock (who’s there?), Poo poo (poo poo who?), Poo poo’s gonna poo poo on you. I nearly died. Now, if someone told me that joke… actually I’d probably still find it funny, but only because it’s so stupid. Imagine Joe Biden telling you that joke. Wouldn’t you laugh your way into the Appalachians? I could see Joe Biden telling that joke and then winking after.

But like all funny things, beef-nado was to be forgotten. My brain started working again and I was back to my jaded self. In early December I recall mentioning it and hoping to feel the spark again. Nothing.

This week, I made meatballs for dinner and there was just enough meat in the bowl for 1.5 meatballs. Do I make one big meatball or two small? Two will cook faster, one will take longer… such dilemmas. My husband asked, “Can I make a beef-nado?” It’s funny how things come full circle. I don’t even know what full circle means…

My son saw it on his tray and said, “Dude, I am not eating that thing.” He picked it up and looked at it with the disgust it deserves. Then he ate it. Full disclosure: it was ground turkey.

This leads to a dream I have… I have a lot of things I want to do that bring only pleasure to myself. I want to make an All Recipes account with stupid recipes. Cake for the blind. German salad (but it’s really a Chinese dish). Beef-nados and vegan beef-nados. I’ll have to add it to my long list of dreams. I just imagined inviting people over for dinner and serving beef-nados with no explanation.